[x]

Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
Maybe.
But at least it makes me
Me.

RelapseIt’s like counting
Saturn’s rings,
hash marks
along your limbs -
remembering a time
when

‘just one more’

made you feel better.

- & you’re sitting there
wondering why
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s

falling.

FrostbiteNumbness
I can’t feel my toes and at first I think
It’s just my toes.
I can cover them up.
I can warm them.

It spreads, like fire,
Like ice.
I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are cold
Pat –pat
That’s funny, I didn’t feel that
Maybe I’ll cover them up too
I’ll warm them up.

I’ll take a nap
Maybe a short rest will make it all better, warm them
Up…
What’s that? How long has it been?
My legs… are you still mine..
Why has my breath left me, short?
Has everything but deserted me?

What about you, are you still here?
Are you still with me?
Hello?
And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –

Sleeping Beautyshe’s in love with a character who
never existed but in the labyrinth of her head:
a patchwork composition of beautiful, lengthy words
she’d heard in her catatonic state; coma living
day in and day out, reliant on the salvation
of a man made of foreign wishing
and imperfection and necessity – an ignorance
of the less than ideal perception of self she’d
come to fear, absention stained romantic to the point
where daydreams were a standard for survival

(real living is for the purposeful of heart,
he loves her in her sleep)

UneditedWe cry.
We scream.
We fight for our dream.

We scream.
We cry.
We're just waiting to die.

The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.

The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.

So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?

Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?

Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.

Wouldn't surprise.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"

WorthlessWorthless,
the name that cuts like a knife,
Me,
it's all that you see inside,
My heart,
is breaking with every breath I take
The lies,
the only thing I can't seem to face.

Happily AloneHonesty,
She does not have,
Personalities,
She has many of them.

A million shields,
a million personalities,
She's always changing,
to fit every person around her.

If one were to ask why,
she would answer with,
I will never reveal my weaknesses,
because she's evil.

She hates everyone,
stupider than her is barely tolerable,
smarter than her is too scary,
She hates it all.

She leaves the world behind,
To one she has dreamt of,
No color,
nobody else.

Then,
she will smile,
why,
because she is truly happy alone.

She is not evil,
She does not hate you,
She is not dishonest,
She simply wants to be alone.

wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.

she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"

in that moment,
we forget to exist.

We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.

It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.

We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.

There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so

lifelinesI fear the sound of sparrows
and the density of leaves
against dew-muffled blades
of grass,

and I'm drowning
in the sky.

My skin has learned how
to peel itself off
without causing a commotion
in my marrows or
even show the slightest hint
of pain,
and my heart has learned how
to hush the stars in their wake
and keep it all a secret.

There's a sea in my mouth
and I can't swim.

There are lifelines
cast like these and it will
all end with the same tragedy.

Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.

Splash.

In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.

There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop

of seafoam thronesFrom Atlas’ hands she wept to me,
atop Africas and South Atlantics;

this is one situation unaffected by
ember eyes and windy lashes
(it has no anatomy).

You are sparrows stranded
in tiny crevices and cliffside love,
though you rebuke flight
in the fear of chipping feathers.

So what do you do?

You reach for my soul,
coveting flight with shaking
dainty arms…

and perhaps I’ll let you:
With flytrap lips and
glass shaped hips…
you are unfit for anything but
sight.

(But beauty isn’t everything)

Battle in my MindEat.
Don't eat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
You're perfect.
You're worthless.
You're beautiful.
You're disgusting.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
Show me.
No!
I love you..

Honesty Written

from the

heart.

No eraser.

Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.

But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.

That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.

But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.

No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.

So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.

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day 2: what's in a name?2) How did you choose your name, and what names were you thinking about using and why?

my name is zack. its kind of complicated to explain, but i didnt exactly "choose"this name. it just...was me. ever since i can remember iv felt like my name should be zack. i used to use it whenever i chould, role playing with the daycare kids, storys i wrote, daydreams, ect. i did toy around with a couple other names before, steven and connar, but in the end i couldnt deny "zack". it wasnt a choose, its a fact of life. one that i embrace fully and love

Day 1: the term transgender1. When did you realize the term transgender referred to you?

it wasnt until i was in 10th grade (15 years old) that i even hear the term transgender. as soon as i did, though, i knew. i had always felt like i was a boy, but i just thought i was messed up. stupid. it made no sence for me to feel this way. once i learned it was a real thing i was so...releved. i knew i wasnt alone. but i was also scared...

our innermosta stick between the legs does not a man make
nor a hole a woman make
but it is our innermost pieces,
the heart,
the mind,
the soul,
that define what we are

some days...somedays it hits you hard
others it doesnt find you at all
somedays you rise above all else
others all you can do is fall

somedays you forget whats upsetting you
others it is stuck on repeat in your head
somedays youre so glade to be alive
others you just wish you were dead

do you know what it's like...do you know what its like
to be terrified to use public restrooms
because of the mental, emotional, and physical abuse you might endure
...have endured before

do you know what its like
constantly arguing with people
about your gender
about your name

do you know what its like
to live in paranoia
knowing its legal to be fired
just for being you

do you know what its like
being forced to dress in drag
because your director wont admit
that youre a men

do you know what its like
being forced to crossdress
because others cant handle
that your a woman

do you know what its like
to be affraid of the shower
because you know youll ha

LGBT quiz1. How long have you known you are part of the LGBT community?
i've always felt like i should've been a boy, but i didn't know why. i thought i was just messed up or something. but then i leared what it ment to be trans and imediatly knew thats what i was. i guess this happend a few years ago (around 14/15 years old).

2. Was it a struggle (emotionally) for you at the beginning?
for me to accept it? no. i was kind of happy, figuring it out you know?
i hid it for a long time, only recently came out publicly (my best friend has known for a few years)

3. How did you start to discover your sexuality? (Example, thoughts, feelings…ex)
my

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[x]

my book

by ~Ztransman, Aug 10, 2012, 3:59:18 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

You now have my book
Please hold it with care
I feel it is safer
With you over there

It is all I ever was
It is all I'll ever be
The pages you see that are tattered and torn
Are what remains of me

You now have my book
Please hold it with care
I feel it is safer
With you over there

I give you my book
But remember to take your time
If you try to read it too fast
It might fail to make a rhyme

You now have my book
Please hold it with care
I feel it is safer
With you over there

my bookby ~Ztransman

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

this poem was written for my friend two years ago

~imxx Aug 13, 2012

wow when i read this i read "book" as "heart", powerful words

~Ztransman Aug 13, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

i guess it kinda is that
iunno
we were having this big metaphorical conversation

~imxx Aug 13, 2012

yeah i think so, i mean, whatever it is you were talking about, i doubt it was really about a book ^^

~Ztransman Aug 13, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

lol

~imxx Aug 13, 2012

anyways wanna skype?

~Ztransman Aug 14, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

...or we could sit in silence > >

~imxx Aug 14, 2012

lol sorry XD

~Ztransman Aug 13, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

sure

*akibara13 Aug 12, 2012

This is a really nice poem. I like the rhythm of it.

~Ztransman Aug 12, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

lol old poem is old

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my book

my bookby ~Ztransman

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