[x]

Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
Maybe.
But at least it makes me
Me.

FrostbiteNumbness
I can’t feel my toes and at first I think
It’s just my toes.
I can cover them up.
I can warm them.

It spreads, like fire,
Like ice.
I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are cold
Pat –pat
That’s funny, I didn’t feel that
Maybe I’ll cover them up too
I’ll warm them up.

I’ll take a nap
Maybe a short rest will make it all better, warm them
Up…
What’s that? How long has it been?
My legs… are you still mine..
Why has my breath left me, short?
Has everything but deserted me?

What about you, are you still here?
Are you still with me?
Hello?
And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –

Sleeping Beautyshe’s in love with a character who
never existed but in the labyrinth of her head:
a patchwork composition of beautiful, lengthy words
she’d heard in her catatonic state; coma living
day in and day out, reliant on the salvation
of a man made of foreign wishing
and imperfection and necessity – an ignorance
of the less than ideal perception of self she’d
come to fear, absention stained romantic to the point
where daydreams were a standard for survival

(real living is for the purposeful of heart,
he loves her in her sleep)

UneditedWe cry.
We scream.
We fight for our dream.

We scream.
We cry.
We're just waiting to die.

The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.

The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.

So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?

Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?

Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.

Wouldn't surprise.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"

Happily AloneHonesty,
She does not have,
Personalities,
She has many of them.

A million shields,
a million personalities,
She's always changing,
to fit every person around her.

If one were to ask why,
she would answer with,
I will never reveal my weaknesses,
because she's evil.

She hates everyone,
stupider than her is barely tolerable,
smarter than her is too scary,
She hates it all.

She leaves the world behind,
To one she has dreamt of,
No color,
nobody else.

Then,
she will smile,
why,
because she is truly happy alone.

She is not evil,
She does not hate you,
She is not dishonest,
She simply wants to be alone.

We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.

It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.

We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.

There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so

lifelinesI fear the sound of sparrows
and the density of leaves
against dew-muffled blades
of grass,

and I'm drowning
in the sky.

My skin has learned how
to peel itself off
without causing a commotion
in my marrows or
even show the slightest hint
of pain,
and my heart has learned how
to hush the stars in their wake
and keep it all a secret.

There's a sea in my mouth
and I can't swim.

There are lifelines
cast like these and it will
all end with the same tragedy.

of seafoam thronesFrom Atlas’ hands she wept to me,
atop Africas and South Atlantics;

this is one situation unaffected by
ember eyes and windy lashes
(it has no anatomy).

You are sparrows stranded
in tiny crevices and cliffside love,
though you rebuke flight
in the fear of chipping feathers.

So what do you do?

You reach for my soul,
coveting flight with shaking
dainty arms…

and perhaps I’ll let you:
With flytrap lips and
glass shaped hips…
you are unfit for anything but
sight.

(But beauty isn’t everything)

Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.

Splash.

In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.

There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop

weight of the worldand suddenly--
it was like the world decided that
it didn't want to carry its burden any longer,
so it shifted the weight
into the hollows of my bones
and told me that
it was my problem now.

PerfectEver had the feeling where you can't stop looking at a picture?
Your gorgeous face makes me smile
Go weak at the knees
Makes me giggle like a little girl

Those morning texts
All day conversations
Random silly things like that
Make me smile

I see the led light flash the colours I've set for when I get a message from you
My heart flutters
My cheeks flush
I go deaf to the world when I'm reading a message from you

If your down
I'm always there for you
I know you don't want to worry me
I know you want me to smile
But I'm always here for you
No matter how you feel
I'd prefer to help
Than for you to be down

Your gorgeous eyes
Are mesmerising
You

Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.

But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.

That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.

But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.

No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.

So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.

A Charmed LifeDoll-faced men and sinkholes, ancient tombstones
Leaves piled ankle-deep, falling down
Old wells, old graves, old friends lost
Pirate adventures in Neverland
Don't go into that barn

Ponchoboy and Rangergirl rise from the ashes
From the cold river, from afar
Remember before they were born, how they
Held hands and jumped into the world
Don't go into that school

Ladybugs, pennies, notes from the dead sun eclipse
Scrape the inside of your skull for clues
All the old dreams are still there, petrified
You are a rock of ages gibbering
Don't go into that factory

Why don't you kill yourself?“Why don’t you kill yourself?”
Is the voice that often pops in my head
To remind me I’d be better off dead.
As I sit in my two story house
I’m always alone and filled with doubt.
I take medications I don’t know why
These thoughts constantly go through my mind.
I remind myself I have friends who care
And my parents, well, try to be there.
Some would think I’m being over dramatic
Others will think these thoughts could only come from an addict
Or a psycho.
As I weigh the pros and cons
The commercials shut off, the main program goes on
So I turn my mind off and let the show play
And hope that I can be happy one day.

You Are BlindYou see a picture.
A girl with a smile on her face.

She looks beautiful.
She wasn't going anyway fancy.
But she wore her black make up.
And her brand new top.

But that isn't what I see...

Look a little closer...
Can't you see the tears that have just been wiped away?

Look a little closer...
Can't you see her right fist clenched,
Fumbling for her over strap bag?

Look a little closer...
Can't you see the left hand grip her long sleeve for dear life?

Look a little closer...
Can't you see her mind is running with thoughts tonight?

Look a little closer...
And maybe you'd have seen the warning signs....

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I'm sorry I'm meI'm sorry that i can't explain it better for you
I'm sorry I'm too stupid to convey it in a way that makes sense to you
I'm sorry that i feel the way i do; if i could change everything and be "normal" i would
I'm sorry that I'm such a disappointment
I'm sorry that I'm so "immature", expressing my feelings
I'm sorry that I'm afraid of things
I'm sorry i hurt people's feelings because i had a panic attack
I'm sorry i can't deal with some things
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
OK?
it's all my fault
i shouldn't be me; it upsets you all so much
I'm sorry

day 7: looking up7) Who do you look up to

um well that kind of depends on if you mean real people or not ^^;
the person i most look up to is a fictional character from my favorite show >///>
Capt. Jack Harkness
from Torchwood and Doctor Who
i look up to him mainly for his strength
Jack has gone through so much, and things don't get better for him
not really
but he keeps fighting and finding things that make him happy and things that make him smile
i have always admired his resilience
and Jack isn't afraid to be himself
he is who he is, he does what he does, and if others don't like it he doesn't dwell on it
they're gonna think what they want
Hark

not meyou say you're proud of me
i can't help but laugh a little
proud of me?
no
no you're not
you're proud of who you want me to be
you're proud of ----
not me
no
not me

day 6: first person told6) Who was the first person you told about being trans

um well i guess you could say my friend Parker was the first one i told
though it wasn't as much me telling him as him texting me "hey bro, are you a dude?" xD
so he was the first to find out really

if you don't count that, seeing as i didn't technically tell him
it'd be...um...Sam
he, Parker, and myself were talking once
and Parker kept referring to me as he and stuff
Sam was really uncomfortable asking about it xD
and I'm sure me and Parker didn't help much, since we were flinging ourselves at each other, half laying on each other, hitting each other, and he was pulling on my f

day 5: the community5) Are you active in the trans community or LGBT community

as far as i know there isn't really a "trans community" around here :/
but yes, i am very active with the LGBT community
i am part of our high schools GSA
through which i have done many things
in fact, pride parade is on the 16th and i am going to be marching in it ^^
not really much to say for this one :/

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if only

by ~Ztransman, Jan 8, 2013, 2:11:52 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

if only things were simple
if only they could see
if only things were right
if only they'd let me be me

if onlyby ~Ztransman

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

written for poetry classish thing i'm in that's part of my moms friend's schooling or something like that

~AGirlWhoPassesAsABoy Jan 8, 2013

come to seattle people will let you be you ^^^

~Ztransman Jan 9, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

lol if only i could

~AGirlWhoPassesAsABoy Jan 10, 2013

yeah

*TwinAgateDragons Jan 8, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

If only I had been born in a body that matched my feminine soul.

I do no lament my masculine body anymore. I rejoice in my spirit/soul, as my female persona would want me to be happy. And now that I have truly found my peace I can at best be content.

~Ztransman Jan 9, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

*TwinAgateDragons Jan 8, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

Good poem though, Zack. I really enjoyed it.

~VaatisCloudy Jan 8, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

Oh, if only...
But if only will get us no where. We mush create our path.

Amazing poem. <3

~Ztransman Jan 9, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

thank you

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